This is sooo me. When I get angry, I go quiet. My family knows this means everybody back slowly away before the explosion takes place or they provoke one. How about you? How do you handle it when you're angry? Do you sit and simmer or do you explode right away? (I'm sure there is a middle ground, I'm just not familiar with it! lol)
Debi what a great topic to explore. Remember when you said once calling focus and attention probably via fear causing focus to bad multi dimensional entities increased occurance and infestation with bad multi dimensional entitites? focus? Well I don't want to give my life to anger anymore either. I am concerned that anger is amplified or may be magnified by occult occurences in any given space, and feed the beast so to speak. I am further concerned that flow of thoughts and mood and emotion or participation is given outside- to a thought form or to an bad multi dimensional entity, as much as it is to a fellow human in the vicinity regarding such as expressing of anger. I am hoping to find safe fair flow which expressed and honors everyone involved, within some routine of politeness or courteous affection in household. Idealist, right?
I became a slow reactor formed by lots of danger and it served to protect me from attracting violence when quiet young. I am such a slow reactor I had to be trained to engage to safely identify, reality check for danger now I am out of work place with onsight security and police protecting me physically. So when I hear x and I see x do a reality check and walk or crawl if I can't drive away from real observed danger... not just freeze politely and 'hold the line' as I might have at work, trusting the system and police/security on site to work with everyone doing their jobs. Now when I hear the same things, see the same things, I learned (had to receive training) to react and exit the dangerous parking lot, street, business, groups of cars, group at park conflicting or carrying weapons showing tribal colors etc. getting loud with each other- just Exit. identify it and exit it.
I am a slow reactor- its like its filed away in a memory file in the firmware... go about my day, usually less and less effectively but numb to it, getting tired and then- hours later, or the next day, or two days later- I see the situation, see and am aware of the shockingly rude or irritating statement or happening, and feel protective towards self or others and upset finally be able to express concern and frustration then. Notice the anger is occurring hours and miles away from the person whose words or actions and the setting with which I now am feeling upset.
the safer I feel with a person, the more I am able to feel upset in the moment near them. But that isn't enough to justify flying off the handle verbally with anyone, particularly as there is no drug abuse in the household, I feel less need to confront in order for my body to remain safe(compared to where I was growing up.) Since I know I am safe anyhow, I am trying to learn how not to verbally engage and verbally participate when provoked, how not to engage speaking someone else's pain frustration depression despair or grief (which was not mine)--- yet still acknowledge them.
not being a slow reactor and becoming aware of anger in the moment it is being provoked is a big encounter. Ive spent sixteen, almonst twenty years in a practice , to learn to refuse to engage * walk away/ Go and write or sit and crochet...instead of being egged on, irritated, annoyed and then give the direction of my mind and heart and energy -- into another's direction/ orchestrating, as a mouthpiece for expressin their own anger, annoyance, pain or irritation.... my goal. not my reality or continual capacity. ideal/dream is to accept other people and myself and not be provoked.
How to love anyways and not be smashed like a fly by outright violence, I had to maneuver away from some folks. Loud high volumn words and phrases confront/controlling distance between my body and getting violent others at distance/ to give me spaced, served me and was once VERY important near former violent folks to warn them off, my complaints when stealing from me or threatened me wasn't worth it to them. Fortunately I no longer live on the farm with that one. Love from a distance is always best around some violent folks. Around safe person there's a balance trying to learn to allow others to express their real displeasure, wants, goals, aches, discouragement rather than react and take it on or act it out with them in a dialoge instead be able to be caring, hearing, really listen and yet let their dischord or chaos or pain flow over mylike a water fall and stay full heart love aware and not either numb down or full on take their anger and speak their feelings out--- my goal. not my continual reality I fail I fail miserably and flow like a rap artist arguing or speaking angst my partner ached or provoked directly in 'fight/disagree with me engagement' We are both aware, we are both working on it...
Count me: years miscued by /NOT/ spoken as 'understatement' it didn't even translate to Italian volumn, (do you know the phrase: in comprehensible in put? it's like that, so understated a declining or understated opinion it had no meaning of expression- it wasn't in Italian or Portuguese farm lingo) further comprehesion of the art of understatement I might have had was cotton balled for decades serving among hiphop and rapper afficianado both among clients & colleagues. So how loud do you have be to explain what is not ok, or say that is not ok- when you are speaking to different audiences? I'm not deaf but I can't hear you was me near understated male inlaws particularly- couldn't even tell when they were mad.
learning to differentiate and distinguish between the different audience/ settings and learn higher standard of safety not afforded via weapons fights drug use attempts & clients who needed to be kept safe, disarming others, made less safety given me previously at work ---now I am out of the Ca public high school/ continuation high school environment & am no longer responsible for disarming students, breaking off fights, cutting off verbal interchanges escalating, breaking off eye contact redirect conflicts...no longer a public high school intervention worker means it is ok to be QUIET when I am angry. means it is ok and it is Safe and I am safe anyway- I don't have to instigate an evacuation or participate in an argument to make it a safe place- I live in a safe place with a safe person and I am safe. Even when there is anger. I would like to be able to be cool with being quiet when I am angry much more of the time, I think its a positive presence thing i'd like to have.
from a belief / ideals perspective, I would like to be in control driving the vehicle I reside in- not turn over the wheel to any thoughtform any entity any X ternal even another mortal; and I would like to not yield control of my verbal capacity, the words I would use, even WHAT I would talk about- let alone go into a feeding frenzy for negativity and flow mood voice pitch volumn all because something outside me-- an external- provoked me. But in the mean time I can be loud enough which is unpleasant to the point no gangster has ever hit me ever. Now I have learned to avoid bad neighborhoods, and not get out of the car with crowds of gang dressed down folk EVEN for sales events.
and in a safe place, when something provokes- my ideal is: Walk away. Quiet. response is no response ( since I am safe anyway) That's an ideal- I am not masterful but have in fact, mastered the art of quiet/ no response.
