Does time truly heal all wounds?

[Lone Wolf]

Thanksgiving has come and gone and I’m partially dreading Christmas. Next Friday will mark one year (and I’m planning to drink) I haven’t really talked about it, and I feel I’m fighting just as he was. Losing anyone sucks, but it’s so much worse during the Holidays. His death did change me and in all honesty - it certainly wasn’t for the better. Just thought I’d throw a little out there while I’m waiting on my warehouse to be loaded.

 

[Duke]

Thanksgiving has come and gone and I’m partially dreading Christmas. Next Friday will mark one year (and I’m planning to drink) I haven’t really talked about it, and I feel I’m fighting just as he was. Losing anyone sucks, but it’s so much worse during the Holidays. His death did change me and in all honesty - it certainly wasn’t for the better. Just thought I’d throw a little out there while I’m waiting on my warehouse to be loaded.

Whether you drink is a decision you're making, you have a choice.

My Dad died early Christmas morning six years ago. It was also my brother's 67th birthday. The next Christmas was not exactly joyful, but I eventually figured out the memories of the 60 other Christmases I had with him were as much, if not more so, part of my life as his death. So yeah, a few weeks from now I'll remember his passing, but that memory will be supplanted by memories of all our previous Christmases.

 

[Lynne]

Sending love and sincere support to you Lone Wolf. Dukes' advice to concentrate on the happy memories is good. Everyone grieves in their own way, and we will all suffer loss if we live long enough. You are not alone and many here have suffered the same loss and can be a support if you need to talk. Perhaps making some plans ahead of time to be with family or friends will be a help. I know someone who goes to the cinema and watches movies on some holidays. Being around people who don't expect anything from you and keeping your mind occupied can be a balm. Filling the day with pre planned activities may give you a healthy course to get through a difficult time.

 

[Selectric]

There are good days and bad days. Holding onto the good memories does help to ease the void left by any loss. I don't believe time heals the pain of loss, you heal yourself according to your beliefs and knowing moving on is ok to do. I beat myself up years ago when a very close friend of mine was killed. Is there still a void left by that loss? Absolutely. You eventually find a way to continue moving forward while holding onto those good times and how each specific person has changed you and vice versa.

 

[Lynne]

There are good days and bad days. Holding onto the good memories does help to ease the void left by any loss. I don't believe time heals the pain of loss, you heal yourself according to your beliefs and knowing moving on is ok to do. I beat myself up years ago when a very close friend of mine was killed. Is there still a void left by that loss? Absolutely. You eventually find a way to continue moving forward while holding onto those good times and how each specific person has changed you and vice versa.

Well said

 

[Debi]

 

[jellyforspongebob]

Next Friday will mark 9 months since I lost my dad, and it still feels as if it only happened yesterday. I felt as if I were literally watching a car wreck waiting to happen and there wasn't anything I could do about it. I felt powerless. And I feel as if I failed.

My parents were married for nearly 40 years and had what almost seemed to be a storybook marriage. They had their share of faults as many seem to, but they had a rock-solid, wonderful marriage. Before she died, she told me to watch after him.

He seemed to be OK at first, but over time, the loss took a toll on him. He used to be one of the most active individuals I had ever met, and he it had gotten so bad he wouldn't even leave the house anymore. He'd order food, grocery, and drink. His diet consisted of fast food, Coke Zero, and Budweiser.

Anything I'd say or do, would go in one ear, and right out of the other. Some people may argue that it was his choice, but I can't shake the feeling that I could have done more.

And worst of all? He actually felt like he was bothering me whenever he'd ask for anything. That was a stab in what's left of my heart because he wasn't. He never was. He was a blessing, and he never even knew. I'd give anything to have him back, but that's just a stupid fantasy that will never become a reality. And his death changed me, because now I feel like I'm dead inside.

I had to put this out here.

I lost a partner to cancer 4 years ago, almost five. He was only 52.

Next Friday will mark 9 months since I lost my dad, and it still feels as if it only happened yesterday. I felt as if I were literally watching a car wreck waiting to happen and there wasn't anything I could do about it. I felt powerless. And I feel as if I failed.

My parents were married for nearly 40 years and had what almost seemed to be a storybook marriage. They had their share of faults as many seem to, but they had a rock-solid, wonderful marriage. Before she died, she told me to watch after him.

He seemed to be OK at first, but over time, the loss took a toll on him. He used to be one of the most active individuals I had ever met, and he it had gotten so bad he wouldn't even leave the house anymore. He'd order food, grocery, and drink. His diet consisted of fast food, Coke Zero, and Budweiser.

Anything I'd say or do, would go in one ear, and right out of the other. Some people may argue that it was his choice, but I can't shake the feeling that I could have done more.

And worst of all? He actually felt like he was bothering me whenever he'd ask for anything. That was a stab in what's left of my heart because he wasn't. He never was. He was a blessing, and he never even knew. I'd give anything to have him back, but that's just a stupid fantasy that will never become a reality. And his death changed me, because now I feel like I'm dead inside.

I had to put this out here.

My condolences. I lost my partner to cancer 5 years this coming may. He was only 52. my cat ran over my message and hit enter before i finished. I felt dead inside too. Just recently I found someone who actually was my bf best friend. I thought he would fill in that hole because they are so alike. I was naïve. No one can take someone's place esp a father or partner. pls msg me anytime. but ive got a new hope and fears that i didnt have before. I was so frozen for so long that now im thawing out as i like to say and all those feelings that i numbed away are coming up full speed. i need it. to process. so I guess what im trying to say is im here for you and let yourself grieve. Dont let anyone tell you that there is a time limit. There is NEVER a time limit

 

[K9-1]

I've lost my whole family and many close friends. One of the worst happened in Afghanistan. Basically due to bad/old Intel we got wiped out. 12 of us left the base and 3 returned 1 eventually died of his injuries. This was my team! I put them in a bad and unknown situation. I did give them a choice to go or not go,but they stood by me. I also lost my translator who had become a good friend and knew his wife and kids well. In the line of work I used to do you lost people, but it was work. This team was my family!
I blamed myself and still do sometimes.
It has gotten easier as the years have gone by and I've run those 2 days through my head over and over. In the end I did everything I could have.

 

[jadamz]

It is a thread such as this, that is a testament to the incredible Forum we are a part of. As extraordinary as the members and head Owl. thank you

 

[7Critter]

My coping mechanism is that I remember birthdays and special occasions and know that loved ones are near me on those days. Yes, jadamz , this forum has taught me many things