garnetsilver
Truth Seeker
I have to agree with Lynne, that childbirth changed my life drastically. I was inspired to go back to school as soon as I could, to improve my skill set in order to be a better provider.
Milestone Moments
- Thread starter Debi
- Start date
SpiritKid
Active Member
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2022
- Messages
- 58
- Reaction score
- 120
- Points
- 33
- Age
- 38
You all know me by now. I can't just say my point without giving you data to go with it. lol It'll start a little dark, but definitely light at the end of it. You may even enjoy the pun you didn't know I made yet.
When I was in my teen years, I was at a real low and my mind/world was really dark during that time. My father was sick for years before passing on Father's Day morning when I was 13. I used to feel like it was the Universe playing a joke on me or taunting me which caused me to go against what I originally believed; though, I see it as a blessing/gift from God today. Sort of like a token or way to apologize for what I'd endure.
Ten days later my Uncle (his brother) that was really close with my dad passed away; we'll just say he couldn't deal with it either. This followed with my Granny, who lived with us since I was born, having a lot of heart attacks and eventually passing a year or so after. Many of my friends were also dying from various things then.
By this point, the immediate family structure was already gone and everyone rushing in different directions to deal with all of it while my ma did her best to make everything alright for all of us. Seriously wish I had the mind to have seen her pain back then as I do now and let her know; amazing woman.
One day I was at my lowest and had nowhere to go or anyone to talk with. At least, that's what it felt like and I probably wouldn't have talked to anyone about my feelings at that point anyway. It was around 3AM and I was sitting there alone in my head. Decided to grab my knife and sat at the park with it just dwelling on my thoughts/life. Was in serious contemplation of doing things that I'm glad I didn't do; thank you, old me. I was back at my house and was just laying there crying my eyes out. Toward the top of the wall/ceiling appeared a "light" type of thing; it was a golden light but contained. Hard to even explain, but it's something I had never seen before or since then. A calming feeling washed over me that interrupted what I was doing to myself inside and I heard a voice echo in me that simply said, "What are you doing?" That was the beginning of my turning point where I'd start to climb out of my darkness.
The next day I was sitting on my porch and things that were always there become more prominent. The simple beauties we often forget about in this world. The trees and their leaves, the wind blowing them and also moving across your skin, the colors of the world that delight our eyes, or the peace of simply gazing upon the sky. All things that were there already and always. For the first time, my mind caught a glimpse of how my mind was altering the experience of my external world. When I was dark inside, it painted the world around me in the same colors that I saw inside. When I began to become light inside, it painted the world around me in those colors.
Although I still find where the darkness is hiding and jump into it sometimes, I remind myself of the trees, wind and colors that I saw that day. This reminds me to check myself and remember that it's my own candle who's flame I must protect.
I also realized that God, or whatever one wants to call whatever it is, didn't care about religion or any of the things we carry on about, but did care even when I didn't care at all. I don't believe that something, whatever it is, that loves you even waits for you to request to be helped or makes you jump through hoops to prove it; may just be us creating and jumping through them ourselves. Although I study many things, I'm not religious, but I do know there's something and it responds in very interesting ways. Funny what one can find out by simply asking it itself.
When I was in my teen years, I was at a real low and my mind/world was really dark during that time. My father was sick for years before passing on Father's Day morning when I was 13. I used to feel like it was the Universe playing a joke on me or taunting me which caused me to go against what I originally believed; though, I see it as a blessing/gift from God today. Sort of like a token or way to apologize for what I'd endure.
Ten days later my Uncle (his brother) that was really close with my dad passed away; we'll just say he couldn't deal with it either. This followed with my Granny, who lived with us since I was born, having a lot of heart attacks and eventually passing a year or so after. Many of my friends were also dying from various things then.
By this point, the immediate family structure was already gone and everyone rushing in different directions to deal with all of it while my ma did her best to make everything alright for all of us. Seriously wish I had the mind to have seen her pain back then as I do now and let her know; amazing woman.
One day I was at my lowest and had nowhere to go or anyone to talk with. At least, that's what it felt like and I probably wouldn't have talked to anyone about my feelings at that point anyway. It was around 3AM and I was sitting there alone in my head. Decided to grab my knife and sat at the park with it just dwelling on my thoughts/life. Was in serious contemplation of doing things that I'm glad I didn't do; thank you, old me. I was back at my house and was just laying there crying my eyes out. Toward the top of the wall/ceiling appeared a "light" type of thing; it was a golden light but contained. Hard to even explain, but it's something I had never seen before or since then. A calming feeling washed over me that interrupted what I was doing to myself inside and I heard a voice echo in me that simply said, "What are you doing?" That was the beginning of my turning point where I'd start to climb out of my darkness.
The next day I was sitting on my porch and things that were always there become more prominent. The simple beauties we often forget about in this world. The trees and their leaves, the wind blowing them and also moving across your skin, the colors of the world that delight our eyes, or the peace of simply gazing upon the sky. All things that were there already and always. For the first time, my mind caught a glimpse of how my mind was altering the experience of my external world. When I was dark inside, it painted the world around me in the same colors that I saw inside. When I began to become light inside, it painted the world around me in those colors.
Although I still find where the darkness is hiding and jump into it sometimes, I remind myself of the trees, wind and colors that I saw that day. This reminds me to check myself and remember that it's my own candle who's flame I must protect.
I also realized that God, or whatever one wants to call whatever it is, didn't care about religion or any of the things we carry on about, but did care even when I didn't care at all. I don't believe that something, whatever it is, that loves you even waits for you to request to be helped or makes you jump through hoops to prove it; may just be us creating and jumping through them ourselves. Although I study many things, I'm not religious, but I do know there's something and it responds in very interesting ways. Funny what one can find out by simply asking it itself.
Last edited:
Donna K.
Truth Seeker
- Joined
- Sep 5, 2018
- Messages
- 1,279
- Reaction score
- 2,769
- Points
- 203
- Age
- 70
- Location
- The very Haunted Wood's... Ozarks
Why... in all the boundaries I have crossed... being Graced and kicking and scratching... led to Debi's House and the front Door.
SpiritKid
Active Member
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2022
- Messages
- 58
- Reaction score
- 120
- Points
- 33
- Age
- 38
Loved it. I'm a sucker for a fiddle/violin, but vocals were on point also. Not going to lie, shit made me sad af too. lol Probably allergies or a cold or anything else that detracts from it.
Last edited:
ozentity
Truth Seeker
- Joined
- Sep 22, 2018
- Messages
- 5,262
- Reaction score
- 12,419
- Points
- 203
- Age
- 60
When I got my drivers license, I used to catch two trains to work and get up at 4am. Plus I was free to drive out of the city into the outback at every opportunity.
Paul you always say so much in so few words. I always love reading what you have to say.
I love a good fiddle player, playing the violin has always been my unfulfilled desire.Loved it. I'm a sucker for a fiddle/violent, but vocals were on point also. Not going to lie, shit made me sad af too. lol Probably allergies or a cold or anything else that detracts from it.
Driving is a good one. I think that changes everyone's life immediately.
Selectric
Tier-1 Mod
And eventually becomes a burden lol.
Yes, If I was rich I'd have a driver and a fancy black car. lol