I don't claim to know everything, because if I did, I'd be equal with Source, but I don't think that you're missing anything...these things get revealed to us in time, when they know that we are ready to receive. There is some kind of higher organization to it., it's not always possible for us to understand.
What are you protecting yourself from my friend? The other spirits? I too live in a kind of protection mode, but those that are good know their way through. Perhaps the same guides who protect you in the scenarios you describe, your grandfather included (ancestor protection) also protect you from all energies that wish you harm. And it is also possible, that the guides you do have, who you are not able to identify, understand that you may fear them & therefore remain quietly on the sideline - always present but they aren't going to step in just to say hello.
I have had to learn to ground myself and close myself and 'dim my lights' so to speak. For many reasons. Not just because of the otherworldly that I can attract, but because of the strange people who'd look to me as some kind of divine teacher, of which I am not. I'm always the student. It frightens me when people put that kind of trust in another. It happened to me this past winter, and it made things real awkward real fast. I had to close that person out. When my husband travels for work he brings back strange spirits sometimes, who need help. I smudge him now before he can get in the car at the airport. So I understand fear.
But recently I have come to learn this...that sometimes though if we hold too tightly to fear and grounding, we actually somehow do the opposite...it was only after I 'let go' that I was able to vanquish what wished to have contact with me, when I did not wish to have contact with it...it was almost as if by saying, I surrender, it gave up. My surrender did not mean my defeat, my surrender meant I know I walk in a brighter light and with a team that will not see me fall. I don't know how this works nor do I claim to want to begin to understand...as that is also part of the surrender...all I know is, it works.
You've been drawn to this place for a reason. You chose to speak up and share your experiences. Nothing is coincidence. The fact that you are exploring now, is opening your possibilities for the future. Know your guides can take many forms. Do not expect only a human. The bird in the sky, the deer in the wood...Spirit takes many forms and will speak to us in the language we understand and are comforted by.
You're going to be visited in a tangible way soon, for you are already looking, and answers come to those who seek. Fear not, you have many who love you and see that you are protected.