Bad/Dad Jokes

[jadamz]

If I find the doctor who did my limb transplant, I swear I'll choke him with my bear hands!

Do you have to pay extra for bear hands?

 

[Stevedog]

Do you have to pay extra for bear hands?

Oh yes. I mean I knew it wasn't gonna be cheap but when I got the bill... well it put me in a grizzly mood.

 

[Stevedog]

-Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then if they don't like what you have to say you're a mileaway and you have their shoes!

-The secret to a successful marriage is learning to embrace your mistake.

-Have you seen that new Harry Potter movie? At this point it feels like they're just making stuff up.

-Thank God I'm an atheist!

-It's not a "Dad Bod". The correct term is "Father Figure".

-Wife: Did you remember to buy batteries at the store?
Me: Yes, they're just not included

-My Daughter after hearing a Dad Joke: Dad, that's not funny.
Me: Then why am I laughing so hard?!

 

[Debi]

-Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then if they do like what you have to say you're a mileaway a d you have their shoes!

-The secret to a successful marriage is learning to embrace your mistake.

-Have you seen that new Harry Potter movie? At this point it feels like they're just making stuff up.

-Thank God I'm an atheist!

-It's not a "Dad Bod". The correct term is "Father Figure".

-Wife: Did you remember to buy batteries at the store?
Me: Yes, they're just not included

-My Daughter after hearing a Dad Joke: Dad, that's not funny.
Me: Then why am I laughing so hard?!

Steve, your family must LOVE living with you...lol

 

[Stevedog]

Steve, your family must LOVE living with you...lol

They do indeed. That why they gave me one of these

 

[GoneWestUtah]

Steve, you cracked me up!

For decades, the joke in my circle was:

Q: Are you really an atheist?
A: Yes, swear to God!