Thanks for the support folks.
Armand, it's interesting what you wrote. An addict I know who is struggling to get clean has a saying written in his house. "To thine own self be true". It's a variation of the Satanists creed "Do as thou whilst shall be the whole of the law". One of the hallmarks of addiction is the withdrawal into substance so deeply that it becomes an all-encompassing obsession to the exclusion of all other normal aspects of human interaction of give & take. Put succinctly, addicts become neurotically-selfish. So any addict espousing not giving to others is an addict on the verge of relapse. This addict has been so "true" to himself (broken, addicted, compulsive, myopic) that literally every drama and problem in his life can be traced to his using good people up to an absurd degree so he can stay in substances: working his enablers to death without a single shred of concern to how that is killing them. And of course, if there's drama manufactured even, it becomes a source of stress and the perfect excuse to go use...
This is why in program they tell addicts that it's a disease of selfishness. Because it is. I've met few addicts who even in recovery have been in danger of "giving too much" to others; unless they suffer from co-addiction and enabling, if they've lived with another addict. So, "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" is the antidote to "To thine own self be true" for an addict. Also, don't resent the favors done or accommodations given you while you pull yourself up. Resentment is another bugger for relapse. Would you want any success you achieve to be darkly envied or hated by others? "Do unto others...".
As a final note, some enablers subconsciously enjoy their addicts demise. When my ex of many years ago was trying to quit drinking and went into an in-house treatment center, he actually succeeded for a good stint of time. He relapsed not long after his sister kept complaining to me "I just want my old brother back". She was the angel child of the two children and when he was a full on drunk, she always shone with their parents in comparison. Easy as pie. She didn't have to do anything special or work hard at any self-improvement because my ex always was the dark background against which she shone. The parents had a similar take of denial of the seriousness of his condition and decided the old dysfunctional balance worked for them too. (After all, poor angel-baby was complaining that I was "taking their old family member away"). Even after years of putting up with his drinking, stealing from me and our two kids, falling short on his obligations in every way, I still stood by him in recovery. When his sister started complaining she wanted her old brother back, that's when I divorced him, after he relapsed. The writing was on the wall: he would never be sober because his enablers had a specific place for his miserable condition in their lives and they were not willing to give that up. At the end of my rope I had no more energy to try to fight that Goliath.
Just some thoughts. Hopefully encouraging and enlightening ones to keep you on the path to staying sober by recognizing obvious and even hidden enemies to your sobriety.
