When does not grieving become too much?

Selectric

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I am probably not in the proper mind set for this thread, but it presented itself to me maybe a week ago. I am at that age where you lose more people than you want. I am fortunate enough to still have my mother and father in my life, though that time is quickly burning away. I have lost many people close to me and i became troubled when i realized i have not mourned them as of yet. I am a guy, so the manly thing could be a factor, but doubt it. I really only truly mourned one person i have lost. I recently lost a close friend...at least in relative terms...and i have not mourned him as of yet. I think of him every day, though we became estranged, he is in my thoughts. About a week ago, i cycled through music i have posted here on site and when i got to a song i dedicated to him, i nearly lost it. Now, this topic is something i do not share with others. This is something i will keep to myself until something nudges me in the direction of doing so. I have been in contact with his girlfriend and we have talked about him quite a bit. I think being old friends has helped put things into perspective and steered me back onto the road of coming to terms with his absence. Too much was left unsaid. That can not be changed. Perhaps it snapped me into thinking life IS too short. You never know when your time is up. Maybe put your hard damn head aside and hash out the stupid, trivial stuff before you regret it. Perhaps i am feeling sorry for myself and putting myself through torture for some idiotic reason. Anyway, grieving is a normal thing for people to do...why can't i? Am i waiting for something? Am i turning rigid with age? Am i not ready? Hell...how long before i am? Holding onto grief for long periods of time is not healthy...i know this. Has anyone else gone through this or is it just me waiting for the day i beat my head against a wall? I am sure there is some psycho-babble written somewhere that explains this. Am i at that point upon writing this that is telling me i reached the stage where it is too much?
 
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Duke

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The fact you are thinking about those you've lost sounds like you are grieving, but in your own way. Everyone grieves differently, there is no right or wrong way. Feeling guilty about how you deal with grief is not only counterproductive, but a waste of your time and energy.

If you think you might benefit from counseling, a good place to start would be a local hospice. Ask if you can talk to a grief counselor.
 

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As Duke said, everyone grieves differently. I once got so deep into grief I was in major depression for a year. That's when I learned a few things...never judge how you grieve.

We never truly "get over" losing a person. We do, however, learn how to move forward remembering the gifts and love they put in your life. You don't "let them go" so much as "take with you" what they gave you in life.

On the other side, forgiveness is completed. The words not said are known there.
 
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I won't go to counceling...psycho-babble territory. I guess if this is my way of grieving, so be it.
 
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I won't go to counceling...psycho-babble territory. I guess if this is my way of grieving, so be it.
Just allow yourself to have your thoughts and remember the good stuff. That's their legacy.

At pushin' 70, I can tell you the way you are doing it is OK. Don't judge yourself. I've lost many friends and family, especially in the last few years. Everyone deserves someone to remember them, Selectric...be the one who does.
 
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Never talked much about it with others, so if how i am dealing or going-about-it is normal, then i can deal. Just wasn't sure. I will always remember everyone i lost. Each brought something to my life that deserves that. Maybe, i was conflicted if i should do more.
 
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If anyone has the right to question...should be yourself questioning your own actions. If you don't, then how could you learn and grow?
 
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ozentity

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I am probably not in the proper mind set for this thread, but it presented itself to me maybe a week ago. I am at that age where you lose more people than you want. I am fortunate enough to still have my mother and father in my life, though that time is quickly burning away. I have lost many people close to me and i became troubled when i realized i have not mourned them as of yet. I am a guy, so the manly thing could be a factor, but doubt it. I really only truly mourned one person i have lost. I recently lost a close friend...at least in relative terms...and i have not mourned him as of yet. I think of him every day, though we became estranged, he is in my thoughts. About a week ago, i cycled through music i have posted here on site and when i got to a song i dedicated to him, i nearly lost it. Now, this topic is something i do not share with others. This is something i will keep to myself until something nudges me in the direction of doing so. I have been in contact with his girlfriend and we have talked about him quite a bit. I think being old friends has helped put things into perspective and steered me back onto the road of coming to terms with his absence. Too much was left unsaid. That can not be changed. Perhaps it snapped me into thinking life IS too short. You never know when your time is up. Maybe put your hard damn head aside and hash out the stupid, trivial stuff before you regret it. Perhaps i am feeling sorry for myself and putting myself through torture for some idiotic reason. Anyway, grieving is a normal thing for people to do...why can't i? Am i waiting for something? Am i turning rigid with age? Am i not ready? Hell...how long before i am? Holding onto grief for long periods of time is not healthy...i know this. Has anyone else gone through this or is it just me waiting for the day i beat my head against a wall? I am sure there is some psycho-babble written somewhere that explains this. Am i at that point upon writing this that is telling me i reached the stage where it is too much?
Hey man, I find you a nice and funny guy with a heart. We are all going to die as you know but I really believe we will meet up later. We feel sorry for ourselves when we lose people and that's quite justified, it sucks. I don't think we can truly understand it though. Take some time out to fondly remember your passed friends, remember they are ok now and your love will keep you connected. Don't beat yourself up about it, we are just simple creatures trying to make sense of it all. Don't worry about things unsaid as your passed friends know it all now and are pure love.
 
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Selectric

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Thanks for responses Duke, Debi and Oz. When you're young you are told to shed a tear for a lost loved one and move on. I guess that was the motivation for writing this thread as i have not been able to shed a tear at all. But, if that's not how i deal with loss then i will have to accept that and continue to have them live on in my memories. Who needs psycho-babble when we have the PNF :) Real people that genuinely care and will help nudge you back onto the path. It's that Light that brings us lost souls here to make sense of it all. If my small contributions here add to that, then i truly am on the right path.