- Feb 9, 2022
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I am probably not in the proper mind set for this thread, but it presented itself to me maybe a week ago. I am at that age where you lose more people than you want. I am fortunate enough to still have my mother and father in my life, though that time is quickly burning away. I have lost many people close to me and i became troubled when i realized i have not mourned them as of yet. I am a guy, so the manly thing could be a factor, but doubt it. I really only truly mourned one person i have lost. I recently lost a close friend...at least in relative terms...and i have not mourned him as of yet. I think of him every day, though we became estranged, he is in my thoughts. About a week ago, i cycled through music i have posted here on site and when i got to a song i dedicated to him, i nearly lost it. Now, this topic is something i do not share with others. This is something i will keep to myself until something nudges me in the direction of doing so. I have been in contact with his girlfriend and we have talked about him quite a bit. I think being old friends has helped put things into perspective and steered me back onto the road of coming to terms with his absence. Too much was left unsaid. That can not be changed. Perhaps it snapped me into thinking life IS too short. You never know when your time is up. Maybe put your hard damn head aside and hash out the stupid, trivial stuff before you regret it. Perhaps i am feeling sorry for myself and putting myself through torture for some idiotic reason. Anyway, grieving is a normal thing for people to do...why can't i? Am i waiting for something? Am i turning rigid with age? Am i not ready? Hell...how long before i am? Holding onto grief for long periods of time is not healthy...i know this. Has anyone else gone through this or is it just me waiting for the day i beat my head against a wall? I am sure there is some psycho-babble written somewhere that explains this. Am i at that point upon writing this that is telling me i reached the stage where it is too much?