Infant school nativity plays: Wise man bearing myrrh, then Joseph
Primary school (7-11)
Stan Laurel
A calling bird (telling jokes) and 'the magical mynah bird in a pear tree' (the role went through some evolution! It was supposed to be a girl doing impressions, but she was ill, so I did a magic act, though it ended up being more comedy.
)
A gun crazy security guard who mows down half the cast in 'Cinderella II: The Revenge (written by a girl in my class)
Secondary school - I didn't get to do much, as all the big productions were musicals and I couldn't sing or dance. I complained, but to no avail. Oh well.
God, saying 'Let there be light' in my biggest voice in church
a comedy sketch some of us wrote
the doctor in 'Oliver'
and I passed GCSE drama
As an adult, two amateur comedy plays in the function room of a pub:
The Three Musketeers - Pop Idol auditionee 1
Pop Idol auditionee 2
Parker from Thunderbirds (as a puppet butler) My girlfriend hand made the uniform!
A Sign Post
Peasant 'Girl'
Dartanian's boxing trainer
Aladdin - Henchman 2 (though I got the same stage time as I had before and got a Scooby Doo chase scene, with me chasing Aladdin in and out of different exits and through the audience to Queen and interacting with the crowd. And I got to wear big MC Hammer trousers.
There was going to be a version of A Christmas Carol starring me as a deadpan snarky Scrooge, but tragically, the group broke up early in rehearsals, so it never happened. The writer director of Aladdin and Scrooge took me on as usher in his new auction business and we put on a routine, bantering back and forth there selling stuff for a while instead.
Then I got ill, which killed the stage stuff. It was fun while it lasted.