The Dying Light

[Duke]

When I read that, I heard a wall so as to not get too attached to any one patient and later suffer the loss of a close friend. Is that what you mean ?

Not speaking for Debi, but based on being married almost 30 years to an ICU nurse, the answer is "Yes." The relationship between medical personnel and patients is meant to be kept professional.

 

[garnetsilver]

I worked in healthcare too, and found that one must keep that wall up or get burned out early. Being an empath (believe it or not I didn't know this about myself until I joined PNF) I had to fight to keep some distance between my patients and myself, because I would care too much. I did have a couple of weird experiences but I believe I have shared them elsewhere on here.

 

[Debi]

Not speaking for Debi, but based on being married almost 30 years to an ICU nurse, the answer is "Yes." The relationship between medical personnel and patients is meant to be kept professional.

Yes, that is correct.

I was in a unique field of care...long term geriatric care...for most of my healthcare career. Our patients are not "patients", they are residents of a facility and they often become much like family members. The bond is a much closer one despite any walls or shields. I was also in charge of being sure staff remembered they were not just patients for us. We made sure pictures of them in their youth were available to view, we interacted with family members who visited on a long term basis, we knew their life stories. I'm willing to bet a high number of healthworkers in this field have stories to tell of the paranormal kind. Many of the staff I knew did. And we even shared some of these in our Care Plan meetings daily. I've shared quite a few here as well.

 

[Duke]

Yes, that is correct.

I was in a unique field of care...long term geriatric care...for most of my healthcare career. Our patients are not "patients", they are residents of a facility and they often become much like family members. The bond is a much closer one despite any walls or shields. I was also in charge of being sure staff remembered they were not just patients for us. We made sure pictures of them in their youth were available to view, we interacted with family members who visited on a long term basis, we knew their life stories. I'm willing to bet a high number of healthworkers in this field have stories to tell of the paranormal kind. Many of the staff I knew did. And we even shared some of these in our Care Plan meetings daily. I've shared quite a few here as well.

Debi, did the care staff at your facility attend services for your residents who died?

 

[Debi]

Debi, did the care staff at your facility attend services for your residents who died?

Some of us did, yes. Usually in a group. When I started working in Life Enrichment/Social Services I actually was designated as the one to kind of lead that group of representatives.

You might find it interesting, Duke, that I also helped arrange a baptism for a Mormon lady (we used the big walk in tub. I brought in battery powered candles as well.) She was dying and wanted this so we did it really, really quickly. She passed about 4 days later.

We also arranged a mass for a man who had converted to Anglican Catholic, and who had requested a Catholic service. His family did not approve, but I promised Shep we would have one. His family held one service and we arranged for a private mass per his request with the local priest. Since it was in writing, we were able to do this. This was held and was attended by many of our staff members.

We had a lady, Dot, who was the "Bingo Queen". She had "her" favorite card in our set. We took it to the funeral and she was buried with her card. The family was very grateful.

THISCLOSE is how you become in long term care if you're doing it right.

 

[Duke]

Some of us did, yes. Usually in a group. When I started working in Life Enrichment/Social Services I actually was designated as the one to kind of lead that group of representatives.

You might find it interesting, Duke, that I also helped arrange a baptism for a Mormon lady (we used the big walk in tub. I brought in battery powered candles as well.) She was dying and wanted this so we did it really, really quickly. She passed about 4 days later.

We also arranged a mass for a man who had converted to Anglican Catholic, and who had requested a Catholic service. His family did not approve, but I promised Shep we would have one. His family held one service and we arranged for a private mass per his request with the local priest. Since it was in writing, we were able to do this. This was held and was attended by many of our staff members.

We had a lady, Dot, who was the "Bingo Queen". She had "her" favorite card in our set. We took it to the funeral and she was buried with her card. The family was very grateful.

THISCLOSE is how you become in long term care if you're doing it right.

I know it's uncommon for hospital nurses to attend services, primarily because they seldom establish a long term relationship with patients. My wife has done so, but those were just a dew ICU patients she'd cared for more on multiple occasions. She also attended services for the two children she took care of as a home health care nurse when they passed.

 

[Debi]

I know it's uncommon for hospital nurses to attend services, primarily because they seldom establish a long term relationship with patients. My wife has done so, but those were just a dew ICU patients she'd cared for more on multiple occasions. She also attended services for the two children she took care of as a home health care nurse when they passed.

You see it more in geriatric long term or hospice. I also worked a skilled unit with some who were there for about 60 days and I went to those as well. We actually held a service on unit for a man who passed, whose wife had some minor dementia but still knew her husband had died. The family considered it unnecessary for her to attend the actual funeral. They lived together on unit. When Myrtle kept asking when was the funeral, we arranged one on unit. We had the chaplain do the service and Myrtle received condolences from everyone. I did a eulogy, and she was able to properly grieve. (This family NEVER visited their parents even when alive, so it did not surprise me they considered this lady unnecessary at her husband's funeral. I was determined this lady would be allowed her grief. I was one stubborn advocate.)

 

[garnetsilver]

You see it more in geriatric long term or hospice. I also worked a skilled unit with some who were there for about 60 days and I went to those as well. We actually held a service on unit for a man who passed, whose wife had some minor dementia but still knew her husband had died. The family considered it unnecessary for her to attend the actual funeral. They lived together on unit. When Myrtle kept asking when was the funeral, we arranged one on unit. We had the chaplain do the service and Myrtle received condolences from everyone. I did a eulogy, and she was able to properly grieve. (This family NEVER visited their parents even when alive, so it did not surprise me they considered this lady unnecessary at her husband's funeral. I was determined this lady would be allowed her grief. I was one stubborn advocate.)

You are one awesome lady, Debi!

 

[Debi]

You are one awesome lady, Debi!

Thanks, hon, but my goal was to make sure those people were treated with dignity and respect. Ageism is real, and just because you're older shouldn't mean you lose that. My byline was "Look closely because once they were young just like you!" We often forget the elderly were once babies loved, children held close, loving moms and dads. Now that I am one of them, I do hope people will remember that more often.

 

[garnetsilver]

I had to leave geriatric care because it hurt too much the way people were treated even in what was considered a good nursing home. I remember sitting with this one lady and helping her sort old B&W photographs. It was therapy, but I enjoyed it as she struggled to remember the subjects of the photos and told me little stories about them. I was always curious to know what these people had been like before they landed in the nursing home.

I was also not popular with the CNA's who took their breaks in the patient's rooms (the ones who were too frail to speak up) and watched their favorite soaps on the patient's television set, while sitting on their beds.