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Help Understanding My Experiences

TarotSara

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Hello everyone,

Fair warning, this may be a long thread. I’ve never told anyone of these experiences except for my husband and while he’s supportive, he also has no idea why these things have and continue to happen to me. I’m hoping someone here will be more knowledgeable than us and can help me better understand.

Since I was little, I’ve always had problems with sleep paralysis and some really freaky occurrences while awake. To keep it short, I’ll only describe a few most notable ones.

When I was 12 or 13, I was sleeping at my dad’s house while he was still at work. Suddenly, someone poked me on my shoulder and startled me awake. When I woke up, no one was there but I heard a little girl laughing. Assuming my dad got home and brought my little cousin (she was going to stay with us for the weekend), I went out of my room to look for them. There was no one, his car was still gone. I was still home alone. Occasionally at that house, when I was home alone at night before he got back, I’d hear someone knock on the door, but when I opened it or looked out of the window, no one was there. I’d be wide awake when I would hear the knocking, so I know it wasn’t just something I dreamt.

When I was 20, my mom passed away from suicide. I was her next of kin and given her ashes to hold on to until we spread them. Before we spread her ashes while they were still in my house, I had a bout of sleep paralysis. In the dream/hallucination that accompanied it, I saw my mom head to toe stand in the doorway of my room, but she was all dark grey/black with red eyes. While I desperately tried to wake myself up, she threw me around the room, into the ceiling, twisting my arms and spine. It felt super real and hurt so much, and I couldn’t wake myself up. When I finally did, she was gone, nothing in the room changed, but I still felt as though I had been tossed around like a rag doll. I cried for a long time because it felt so real and I was trapped. It made her passing even harder on me. After we spread her ashes, I didn’t have another sleep paralysis nightmare involving her again, although sleep paralysis does still happen.

More recently, whenever I talk about, think about, or watch anything paranormal related, I have a horrible feeling of someone over my left shoulder (no idea if that’s significant) and that shoulder/arm is measurably colder than the rest of my body. If I continue to talk about/think/watch this stuff beyond 5 minutes, if feels like someone/something is poking/pushing into my left shoulder blade at my back and the longer I do it, the more painful it is. It feels like someone/something doesn’t want me digging into this at all. Even typing this out, my left shoulder is cold and I can feel it digging.

There’s more experiences I’ve had over the years, but these ones stand out the most. I do still have sleep paralysis occasionally (I have since I was 5, so it’s nothing new), the dreams that accompany it are always super realistic, take place in the location I’m currently in, but I have been able to figure out that I’m still asleep by trying to switch on lights/use electronics (they never work, any of them). When that happens, I instantly start trying to wake myself up and focus solely on that so if anything terrifying does happen, I’m too busy trying to wake up to realize what’s going on. The last time it happened was about a month ago, but I was thankfully able to wake myself up before any entities showed up in my dream.

I’m not sure if these things are all connected, as well as some of the other things that have happened in my life. I did ask my tarot deck if I was naturally sensitive to spirits and the answer I got was yes, but there’s mental blocks (upright Fool, upright 2 of Wands, and reverse seven of swords for anyone who does tarot). I have not tried contacting any entities/spirits. I do own a super old ouija board (from the 1940s), but I have never used it. No spirit boxes, no evp attempts, to pendulums, etc. because honestly, I don’t feel comfortable trying to contact any of that alone if there is something following me/about me that draws shit in.

Sorry for the long ramble of a post. If anyone can help me figure out what’s been going on with any of this or have any advice for what I should do, I’d really appreciate it.
 

Debi

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Welcome to the forum, Sara. I have a feeling you will hear from many of the members here in short order.

First, and foremost, do NOT interact with the Ouija Board. Just don't. There is a sticky thread here where Charleh explains that quite nicely, so I will only say it's a tool, not a toy, and if you don't have a lot of training in it's use it will always make your situation worse, not better.

I can see we will have some furrther questions for you, but let me say that some of your events appear to be in a lucid dreaming state, not just sleep paralysis. There is a lot of controversy over what causes SP. There is the science that says it's all errant brainwave activity, and the paranormal side of something "more" involved. In your case, your dreams/activity look to be spilling over into your awake life, which lends some credence to the "it's more than" catagory.

I'd like to address your mom's appearance first. In grief, expecially at a young age, our dreams can distort things. I honestly would not believe that was your mother in that encounter.

So, before going further, I have to ask if you have any basic religious or spiritual affiliations? We do try to treat anyone here with respect to their beliefs, and knowing those will help us help you.
 
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TarotSara

TarotSara

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Welcome to the forum, Sara. I have a feeling you will hear from many of the members here in short order.

First, and foremost, do NOT interact with the Ouija Board. Just don't. There is a sticky thread here where Charleh explains that quite nicely, so I will only say it's a tool, not a toy, and if you don't have a lot of training in it's use it will always make your situation worse, not better.

I can see we will have some furrther questions for you, but let me say that some of your events appear to be in a lucid dreaming state, not just sleep paralysis. There is a lot of controversy over what causes SP. There is the science that says it's all errant brainwave activity, and the paranormal side of something "more" involved. In your case, your dreams/activity look to be spilling over into your awake life, which lends some credence to the "it's more than" catagory.

I'd like to address your mom's appearance first. In grief, expecially at a young age, our dreams can distort things. I honestly would not believe that was your mother in that encounter.

So, before going further, I have to ask if you have any basic religious or spiritual affiliations? We do try to treat anyone here with respect to their beliefs, and knowing those will help us help you.
Thank you, Debi.

I have zero intention of using the ouija board or any tools to try and contact any spirits/entities. If I ever did, it would only be with someone who is extremely experienced and I had protections. It’s not something I would ever play around with. The board was at my great aunt’s house, and I inherited it when she passed. The board and the Oracle were stored in completely opposite ends of her house, so that’s how it’s stored here. Both are in places of respect, but separated (I assume she had good reasoning to do it).

I had a hunch that it was either not my mom and something else using my grief against me, or it was my mom but she wasn’t trying to harm me but due to her cause of death couldn’t contact me like “normal” spirits do.

I don’t really have any solid religious beliefs. I don’t believe there’s nothing, but I don’t have any strong pull to any religion. I guess that would make me agnostic, but leaning towards a Divine, but a more universal one.
 

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Thank you, Debi.

I have zero intention of using the ouija board or any tools to try and contact any spirits/entities. If I ever did, it would only be with someone who is extremely experienced and I had protections. It’s not something I would ever play around with. The board was at my great aunt’s house, and I inherited it when she passed. The board and the Oracle were stored in completely opposite ends of her house, so that’s how it’s stored here. Both are in places of respect, but separated (I assume she had good reasoning to do it).

I had a hunch that it was either not my mom and something else using my grief against me, or it was my mom but she wasn’t trying to harm me but due to her cause of death couldn’t contact me like “normal” spirits do.

I don’t really have any solid religious beliefs. I don’t believe there’s nothing, but I don’t have any strong pull to any religion. I guess that would make me agnostic, but leaning towards a Divine, but a more universal one.
Thank you for clarifying that, Sara. We have members of all belief systems here, and the advice shared varies from faith to faith...yet you will find the core of it is all much the same. :)

Next question....what kind of gifts or skills do you have of a psychic nature, Sara? Any known to you, as I sense you have some. All this plays into whatever you may be feeling over your shoulder. And I do have to also ask if you are on any medications that might play into this. No judgement here at all. We just know some psychotropics can open you up to some interesting activity of the paranormal kind.
 
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TarotSara

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Thank you for clarifying that, Sara. We have members of all belief systems here, and the advice shared varies from faith to faith...yet you will find the core of it is all much the same. :)

Next question....what kind of gifts or skills do you have of a psychic nature, Sara? Any known to you, as I sense you have some. All this plays into whatever you may be feeling over your shoulder. And I do have to also ask if you are on any medications that might play into this. No judgement here at all. We just know some psychotropics can open you up to some interesting activity of the paranormal kind.
I’m not aware of any gifts like that. I do read tarot, but that’s it. I haven’t really tried to figure any of it out though or saw anyone that could identify that.

I’m not currently on any medications. I have been on antidepressants before, but that was in my teens so it’s been over 10 years. I did have some occurrences then, but more were relatively uneventful (lucid dreaming/SP, shadow people but they just stood there, a few white/light grey ghosts, etc). I also don’t drink or use recreational drugs (I do smoke cigarettes) and all of the more profound occurrences happened while 100% sober.
 
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Welcome, TarotSara. Thanks for sharing your experiences.

One question I have for you, is has anyone in your family, including your husband, had similar encounters?

Good on you for not using the ouija board, and in storing it accordingly IMO. Here’s that sticky post that Debi was talking about.
My Ouija board story
And I’m not the only one here with stories of the board.
 
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I’m not aware of any gifts like that. I do read tarot, but that’s it. I haven’t really tried to figure any of it out though or saw anyone that could identify that.

I’m not currently on any medications. I have been on antidepressants before, but that was in my teens so it’s been over 10 years. I did have some occurrences then, but more were relatively uneventful (lucid dreaming/SP, shadow people but they just stood there, a few white/light grey ghosts, etc). I also don’t drink or use recreational drugs (I do smoke cigarettes) and all of the more profound occurrences happened while 100% sober.
Ok! Good place to start for you then. Most of the usual questions out of the way. I'm going to be asking Charleh, WandS, Spectre, and a few others who specialize to also look at your thread here Sara. Everyone kind of comes and goes so it will be keep checking back on it for more input.

For my current round of input, I do feel you may be having some issues with an entity or spirit of some sort with the over the shoulder feelings. So, just for some protection, I'm going to suggest you say the St. Michael's Prayer, which I will attach for you here in a moment. The next thing I am going to suggest is that you set some boundaries with whatever may be there with you. Simply tell it that this is now your home and it is not allowed to touch you, frighten you, or constantly watch you, nor is it allowed to come into you or your family's dreams. Be very specific on this and firm. Until you can find out for sure what might be in the home, you at least want some protections in place.

Do you know how to smudge to cleanse your home, Sara? White sage is recommended. If you don't know how, let me know. Otherwise I'd smudge as soon as possible and do so once weekly for awhile.

Here's that prayer for you.

st_michael_archangel_guidoreni-wallpaper_big21 (Small).jpg
 

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I had a hunch that it was either not my mom and something else using my grief against me, or it was my mom but she wasn’t trying to harm me but due to her cause of death couldn’t contact me like “normal” spirits do.
It’s definitely not your mother. My guess is your mom was like any other and loved you til death. Yes, spirits of the recently deceased may have difficulties reaching out to you, or to articulate a message properly, but I can’t see your mother doing this to you in a sleep paralysis episode, unless there was a history of domestic violence.

Malevolent spirits and demons can and will use grief and unresolved trauma as means of leverage against you.
 
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TarotSara

TarotSara

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Welcome, TarotSara. Thanks for sharing your experiences.

One question I have for you, is has anyone in your family, including your husband, had similar encounters?

Good on you for not using the ouija board, and in storing it accordingly IMO. Here’s that sticky post that Debi was talking about.
My Ouija board story
And I’m not the only one here with stories of the board.
To my knowledge, I have no idea if anyone else has had those experiences outside of my and my great aunt. I know she had occasionally smelled her mother’s perfume and her father’s cigar smoke long after they passed in her house (it was theirs prior and they both passed in the house). I’ve seen an apparition of my great grandmother in that same house, although that experience wasn’t negative like the bothersome things (I stayed up late doing things I wasn’t supposed to, she stood in the doorway with the “you should be asleep” grandmotherly expression. Nothing scary or bad). In general, my family is /was very “we don’t talk about spirits, demons, or things like that”.

Ok! Good place to start for you then. Most of the usual questions out of the way. I'm going to be asking Charleh, WandS, Spectre, and a few others who specialize to also look at your thread here Sara. Everyone kind of comes and goes so it will be keep checking back on it for more input.

For my current round of input, I do feel you may be having some issues with an entity or spirit of some sort with the over the shoulder feelings. So, just for some protection, I'm going to suggest you say the St. Michael's Prayer, which I will attach for you here in a moment. The next thing I am going to suggest is that you set some boundaries with whatever may be there with you. Simply tell it that this is now your home and it is not allowed to touch you, frighten you, or constantly watch you, nor is it allowed to come into you or your family's dreams. Be very specific on this and firm. Until you can find out for sure what might be in the home, you at least want some protections in place.

Do you know how to smudge to cleanse your home, Sara? White sage is recommended. If you don't know how, let me know. Otherwise I'd smudge as soon as possible and do so once weekly for awhile.

Here's that prayer for you.

View attachment 13935
I will try smudging and the prayer. I have just tried ignoring all of it, but I just don’t think that’s really an option anymore. Thank you.

I honestly don’t think it’s an entity attached to the building, it feels more familiar than that but not in a good way. We do know of one death that happened in the building, which was my husband’s grandma (building has been in his family for generations). I don’t think the shoulder feeling and pain is her. The times I’ve smelt her perfume has always been times of just warm feelings. A few times a recording my grandfather made for me started playing randomly as well and just repeating the “I love you Sara” part, even though the batteries were fresh. If either of them are here/check in, I wouldn’t want to drive them out, but I don’t think this is either of them because neither of them would seek to physically hurt me.
 
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TarotSara

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It’s definitely not your mother. My guess is your mom was like any other and loved you til death. Yes, spirits of the recently deceased may have difficulties reaching out to you, or to articulate a message properly, but I can’t see your mother doing this to you in a sleep paralysis episode, unless there was a history of domestic violence.

Malevolent spirits and demons can and will use grief and unresolved trauma as means of leverage against you.
That’s both comforting and terrifying. Comforting to hear that it most likely wasn’t my mom, but terrifying that something would use her image to hurt me.

My mom and I were close. She was one of my best friends. It was incredibly hard when she passed. She was never abusive, but she was mentally ill which was hard, but I always knew she loved me.
 
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