Trouble Maker?

[Debi]

Debi, I know the point of the story here is about how your son stood up for himself and I'm loathe to take away from that. However, I'm struck more by the idea that the principal was fully aware of this bullying issue and apparently had been for some time and yet it took your child's own actions to put a stop to it.

In a somewhat related story of my own. We had a similar situation many years ago when our son was in preschool. My son had been quietly playing near another young boy was also playing by himself. Two older kids snatched the toy away from the boy who is not my son and started to play "keep away" throwing it back and forth between them. A teacher across the play room saw this and started walking over to deal with the situation. She said that she only got about 2 steps before seeing my son stand up, grab the toy away from one of the older kids, shove him to the ground, give the toy back to the original boy and then sat back down to keep playing quietly by himself. The teacher told us that she disciplined the two older boys and informed their parents, however she had not said anything to our son and let us know she was secretly proud of him for standing up on someone else's behalf.

More recently, just a few months ago, my son's teacher talked to my wife who is also a teacher at the same school. My son is in 8th grade and often complains about being in class with a bunch of trouble makers who don't want to learn, worse is their antics keep him from learning. On this particular day, the teacher had to take a student out into the hall for a talking to. Apparently, seeing a classmate getting in that kind of trouble had no effect on the rest of the trouble makers as they simply saw it as a opportunity to try things without a teacher in the classroom. One kid got up and started messing with stuff my son was working on, grabbing things off his desk and making lewd comments. My son first said "Please leave me alone" and when that didn't work he tried "I said Stop!" which also didn't work. The teacher said she walked back in the room just as my son yelled out "Get the F--- away from me!! Right Now!!" The teacher has told us that our son is one of the most well behaved, mild mannered students she has ever taught. Seeing our son's outburst, knowing his personality and the personality of the kid getting yelled at, the teacher immediately took my son's side and asked the other student why he was up out of his seat and causing so much trouble that another student has to yell at him for it. This teacher told my wife that she was leaving out my son's uncharacteristic F-Bomb in her report to the principal and only including that other students are having to yell at this trouble maker for his behavior. Due to past behavior and this incident with my son, that trouble maker was no longer a student three weeks later.

That was 35 years ago when he was 10. Life was different back then, and the focus on bullies had not come about yet. The rule was "you fight you both get in trouble", and my son was trying desperately to not get in trouble and never said a word about it to us prior to the incident or I would have marched into the principal's office myself!

 

[Stevedog]

That was 35 years ago when he was 10. Life was different back then, and the focus on bullies had not come about yet. The rule was "you fight you both get in trouble", and my son was trying desperately to not get in trouble and never said a word about it to us prior to the incident or I would have marched into the principal's office myself!

I understand, unfortunately the "you fight you both get in trouble" is still predominant today. Only now they call it "zero tolerance". It works pretty much the same way except that the bullies quickly learn the right buzzwords to say that will get them sympathy from the school system while the one defending themselves bears the brunt of the schools ire. At the school where my kids go and my wife works there are cameras in the hallways to record such incidents. However, most bullies know where the blind spots are. They know how to start things off camera then step into view when the victim retaliates. It's only when a teacher is in a position to see the start of the fight that these bullies get caught.

My wife was very worried about our daughter several years ago and thought she had some for of ADD due to issues she was having at school. We talked to doctors and her teachers and to her and discovered that these issues were due to a bullying problem.

 

[JahaRa]

I understand, unfortunately the "you fight you both get in trouble" is still predominant today. Only now they call it "zero tolerance". It works pretty much the same way except that the bullies quickly learn the right buzzwords to say that will get them sympathy from the school system while the one defending themselves bears the brunt of the schools ire. At the school where my kids go and my wife works there are cameras in the hallways to record such incidents. However, most bullies know where the blind spots are. They know how to start things off camera then step into view when the victim retaliates. It's only when a teacher is in a position to see the start of the fight that these bullies get caught.

My wife was very worried about our daughter several years ago and thought she had some for of ADD due to issues she was having at school. We talked to doctors and her teachers and to her and discovered that these issues were due to a bullying problem.

My grandson was picked on by 3 second graders when he was in kindergarten and my daughter was called because my grandson fought back and ended up breaking one of the 3 boys glasses, but as far as she knew the other parents weren't called. They wanted my daughter to pay for the boys glasses, but my daughter said "Well, if the parents want to talk to me about why their sons and friend (it was twin boys) were picking on my kindergarten son we will discuss the glasses." Two more times those twin boys were caught picking on my grandson and he was in trouble for defending himself. It was known these two boys were a menace. My daughter got her son out of that school and into a charter school where he is thriving.

 

[Lone Wolf]

Just once over a problem with another kid. Nothing came out of it in either case. Closest I ever came to any punishment in school (late 1980's) was being grabbed by the arm and hit with a long, slender, wooden paddle once as was my friend sitting across from me. We were about the only ones seated at the time and the classroom was empty. It must have been recess at the time, but we were keeping ourselves entertained by tossing a rock or ball to one another and he didn't like that. In the blink of an eye, he had me by my arm and BAM!

After that unpleasantness and a few words, he left. My friend and I weren't very interested in doing anything more than leaving. This was an older educator that had been in the business at the time for 40+ years if I had to guess.

 

[crux]

Not to the principal's office but once, in 2nd grade, I was sent out of the classroom to sit outside by the door for a while because I was cutting up in class.

While sitting there I met a fellow classmate serving a similar sentence. We became good friends and remained so for many years after. We were both into music. He turned out to be quite a brilliant musician and is now in the R&RHoF.